Already Gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone,

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone


Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson
that's really me :'(

Painting Flowers

Strange maze, what is this place?
I hear voices over my shoulder,
Nothing's making sense at all.
Wonder, why do we race?
When everyday we're runnin' in circles,
Such a funny way to fall.
Tried to open up my eyes,
I'm hopin' for a chance to make it alright.

When I wake up,
The dream isn't done.
I wanna see your face,
And know I made it home.
If nothing is true,
What more can I do?
I am still painting flowers for you.

Show my cards,
Gave you my heart,
Wish we could start all over.
Nothing's makin' sense at all.
Tried to open up my eyes,
I'm hopin' for a chance to make it alright.

When I wake up,
The dream isn't done.
I wanna see your face,
And know I made it home.
If nothing is true,
What more can I do?
I am still painting flowers for you,
I am still painting flowers for you.

I heard everything you said,
I don't wanna lose my head,

When I wake up,
The dream isn't done.
I wanna see your face,
And know I made it home.
If nothing is true,
What more can I do?
I am still painting flowers for you,
I am still painting flowers for you.

Painting Flowers by All Time Low

Pancake Oatmeal

Daripada sedih - sedih, yuk nyobain pancake baru, lebih sehat nih soalnya pake oatmeal! 

Bahan - bahan :

Tepung terigu 2 sendok besar

Oatmeal 4 sendok makan

Susu putih 1 gelas besar

Telor 1 butir

Baking powder 1 sendok teh

Garam secukupnya

Mentega untuk menggoreng

Susu kental manis coklat / meses / buah atau apa aja yg enak untuk pelengkap

Cara ngebuatnya :

1. Masukan semua bahan kedalam baskom, masukan oatmeal, terigu, susu putih, aduk pelan pelan, masukan telor, aduk lagi sampai tidak menggumpal terigunya, kalau oatmealnya mungkin pasti masih terlihat di adonan karena oatmeal kan tidak seperti terigu.

2. Masukin garam, baking powder, tunggu 10 menit sampai oatmealnya lembek, dan adonan mengembang.

3. Goreng adonan tadi diatas wajan panas dan jangan terlalu banyak menteganya, dan jangan terlalu besar apinya kalau gosong gak enak.

4. Setelah rada kecoklatan dibalik, terus diangkat, dan diatasnya kasi susu kental manis coklat, buah, mapple syrup, atau meses.

5. Sajikan selagi hangat.. wakakaka...

Nah kalau yg dibawah ini punya saya... hahaha

Knock Knock

A second, a minute, an hour, a day goes by
I'm hopin' just to be by your side
I'm turnin' the handle, it won't open
Don't make me wait 'cause right now I need your smile
Knock, knock

When life had locked me out I turned to you
So open the door
'Cause you're all I need right now, it's true
Nothin' works like you

Little louder, little louder
Little louder knockin'
Little louder, little louder

A warm bath, a good laugh, an old song that you know by heart
I've tried it but they all leave me cold
So now I'm here waitin' to see you
My remedy for all that's been hurtin' me
Knock, knock

When life had locked me out I turned to you
So open the door
'Cause you're all I need right now, it's true
Nothin' works like you

You seem to know the way
To turn my frown upside down
You always know what to say
To make me feel like everything's okay

Little louder, little louder
Little louder knockin'
Little louder, little louder
Little louder knockin'

Little louder, little louder
Little louder knockin'
Little louder, little louder

When life had locked me out I turned to you
And you open the door
And you're all I need right now, it's true
Nothin' works like you

When life had knocked me down I turned to you
And you open the door
And you're all I need right now, it's true
Nothin' works like you
Nothin' works like you

When life had locked me out I turned to you
And you open the door
And you're all I need right now, it's true
Nothin' works like you


Knock Knock by Lenka

Mungkin aku telah mengidap sakit gila nomor enam belas, yang banyak memusingkan para ahli di fakultas-fakultas yang mempelajari soal orang tak waras: yakni penyakit manusia yang membuat dunia sendiri dalam kepalanya, menciptakan masalah-masalahnya sendiri, terpuruk di dalamnya, lalu menyelesaikan masalah-masalah itu, sambil tertawa-tawa, juga sendirian.
- Maryamah Karpov book

I educate my brain, they destroy it.

Lagi dunia pendidikan memuakkan. Membuatku tak mengerti untuk apa sebenarnya aku ini. Aku berjuang hanya untuk kertas yang isinya nilai. Berjuang mengeluarkan biaya hanya untuk nilai. Mengorbankan waktu hanya untuk nilai. nilai nilai nilai! Secarik kertas yang mahal mencapai ratusan juta yang nantinya hanya untuk melamar kerja dengan gaji yg belum tentu seratus juta. Ironis. Aku muak. Aku suka belajar. Tapi aku benar benar muak. Aku muak belajar di salah satu tempat aku kuliah. Aku tak mendapatkan secuil ilmu. Disana aku membusuk tak berkarya. Aku hanyalah plagiator handal di tiap ujian. Dan Yang setiap waktu belajar diisi dengan kecaman sumpah serapah terhadap dosen yang mengecewakan. Ingin aku berteriak. Bahwa sesungguhnya tak ada gunanya aku belajar disana. Aku tak bisa apa apa. Bahkan aku sangat membenci ilmunya. Dan semuanya. Tak usah kau keluarkan uang untukku disana hanya untuk membeli gelar sarjana. Aku tak butuh. Sesungguhnya aku tak butuh. Aku butuh tiap perjuangan untuk mengenyam pendidikan dihargai dengan ilmu segar. Tapi aku tak mendapatkannya. Percuma aku menyetir puluhan kilo. Percuma aku keluar uang bensin. Percuma aku keluar uang makan. Dan percuma aku keluar uang spp setiap tahunnya. Persetan. Seandainya aku hidup dengan semua tangan dan kakiku sendiri, detik ini aku melangkah keluar dari istana mati suri bernama kuliah. Aku tak butuh gelar. Ironisnya dunia butuh gelar. Aku tak bisa melanjutkan hidupku kelak tanpa gelar. Gelar sarjana. yang membuatku jadi gila. gelar yang sudah menjadi status strata sosial. bahkan semua diukur dr gelar. Gelar? Kau bisa beri aku makan sekarang?
Sudahlah tak usah kau lanjutkan lagi biayai kuliahku ibu. Aku tak butuh gelar. Dunia yang butuh. Aku hanya butuh hidupku sesuai dengan pilihan dan keinginanku. Sayangnya aku cuma manusia biasa. Wanita biasa. Bahkan alam pun setuju aku adalah wanita biasa. Buktinya aku tak bisa mengubah hidupku. Ah... Suatu saat alam akan salah. Karena aku punya harapan. Hidupku akan berubah...

Realize Your Dream

I just realize something this morning. What really I look good for? Music? Hell-no. I can't sing. Absolutely I can't sing. Those who hear I sing, maybe wants to cut my head off, cause I'm a bad singer. So what about playing some musical instrument? Maybe not. I have a guitar, I have a keyboard, I absolutely have pianika, but do they useful for me? Absolutely not again. I try to practice my guitar lesson. But I'm fail. I can't hardly remember where is the F key, or B key. So, when I try again to play my guitar, the result is FALS. I really want to play musical instrument, My guitar, My Keyboard. But I just don't have a passion. Maybe for you that's an easy stuff. But there is no pasion for me. I can't. I don't have a tallent. Even my mom can play guitar and sing a good song. I just don't have her tallent, and I don't have a deep passion for music. I'm just good listener of rock, and jazz music. I love listening. Yes I know, I'm not critical bout music stuff, so every single music in this world, is GOOD. Depends on your ear. Just shut your mouth up if you don't like it. Close your ear, listen another music that you feel is good for ya. So, another stuff is sport. If you have ever meet me. You will think I'm a basketball player. Oh my god that's not absolutely true. Okay, I have tall. I'm 175cm. I used to swim when I was child. I'm an ex basketball player in school. But I don't have a real connected with sport. Yeah I really love Football. But not to play that game. I'm fat you know that.I'm 60kg. I love sport when I still thin, and slim. Running is like flying. But when I'm fat. I don't really like to do sport again. That's so hard. Exceptional for swimming. That's the easiest one. Next thing is Technique stuff. Everything with technique I just can't easily to do it right. I know a little bit about computer, but just general thing. That's all. I don't have interest with technique thing. Next would be Drawing. Okay, you can see my draw in this blog post titled "Doodles", that's insane. Another thing like law, oh my, I can't easily remember rules. I'm rules breaker. Mathematic? No, I'm lazy to count a things. Even count a day. Another science stuff? I hate physics and biology. Even in Senior high I'm in to science. I really have a nice sleep when physics lessons begin. What else, economic? Ah they just have uncertain knowledge. Economics can change by year. And you can learn economic by yourself. I just don't like the teacher. So, what I'M LOOK GOOD FOR?
The answer is Language. I love language. I don't know, maybe you will see this passage little bit confused and dizzy about it. But for myself. I'm good at Language. I just love it. You know, this is really fun when you can understand what might people in other world say. You understand english, french, spanish, dutch, anything you can understand. It is fun right? You understand, you hear, you say, you think, you know everything than everybody around you. Language is universal. You can say about music, law, arts, science, computer with your language. I confess that I can understand French, I know about English, and I used to learn turkish, and I want to take Dutch. It is really happy when you understand what people says. You could do anything with language, cause it is speak, talk, we use it every single minute. So, who is here not to talk all day long? We all speak with language. I'm a Language student, major of English. Even I study about Language, I still have a bad marks for it, because I study the technique inside language which is complicated. But who's the hell care? Language still fun for me. I just can't get it enough. We all communicate. and we can't not communicate. Even you are silent, you still talk with yourself. Right?
So, make world understand what you say. Speak loud with your language. Speak up about your passion. Follow it for your dreams. Just follow your passion, maybe that's why you live for in this world.

Talk to yourself.
Lila.

Bukan Puisi

Kenapa aku hidup?
Kenapa aku hidup di dunia ini?
Apa tujuan ku disini?
Kenapa tuhan menciptakanku?
Apakah orang-orang disekitarku, diciptakan untuk penghias hidupku?
Apakah mereka hanya sekedar menemaniku sampai aku mati?


Lalu siapa mereka?
Apa tetanggaku diciptakan hanya untuk mengganggu hidupku?
Siapa teman temanku?
Mereka diciptakan hanya untuk memberi tau baik dan buruk?
Siapa keluargaku?
Apakah mereka benar benar keluargaku?
Apakah aku memilih mereka?
Atau mereka memilihku?
Apa ini takdirku?


Mengapa aku tidak bisa menjadi yang terbaik?
Mengapa berbuat baik lebih sulit dari berbuat buruk?
Mengapa aku tidak bisa menjadi yang terburuk?


Mengapa aku biasa biasa saja?
Kalau kau merasa hanya ciptakan aku seorang, mengapa kau tidak ciptakan sekelilingku seluruhnya adalah hal yang terbaik?


Aku selalu merasa seorang diri, dan yang lain hanya menemani.


Mengapa kau ciptakan baik dan buruk, jika baik lebih indah dari buruk?
Mengapa semua hal tak pasti?
Apakah semua harus punya mimpi?
Mengapa hidup itu harus memilih?


Mengapa kau rahasiakan akhir dari kehidupan?
Mengapa hidup harus berakhir?
Jika lebih indah hidup daripada mati?


Mengapa harus mati?
Apakah setelah kematian ada awal kehidupan?
Kenapa harus ada kematian dulu?


Kenapa aku harus percaya?
Kenapa aku harus terpengaruh?
Kenapa semua ini terjadi?


Everythings  happens for a reason?
Benarkah?


Apa alasan?


Siapa yang maha baik?
Siapa yang maha buruk?
Engkau kah?


Bisakah kau memberi jawaban?

Desolate

Memutar kembali kenangan sama saja dengan membeli karcis bioskop. Kita hanya melihat bayangannya saja dan ngotot untuk tetap melihatnya, apapun bayangan yang ditampilkan, senang sedih, tetap menyejukan ruang rindu di hati.
Dan kenangan yang sering saya putar, adalah tentang kamu. Kamu yang tidak bersamaku lagi sejak januari.
Tentang kamu yang kurindukan wejangan dewasanya, tentang kamu yang kurindukan nyanyiannya, tentang kamu yang melegakan hati.

Selalu merasa sendiri beberapa bulan ini. Dan hanya diri ini yang bisa mengusir sepi. Sudah tidak percaya akan arti sahabat lagi, sejak mereka menyakiti. Yang ada hanya teman yang ku jaga kedekatannya. Yang ku jaga rasa benci ku separuhnya kepadanya, yang ku jaga jarak diantara mereka. Agar mereka tetap jadi teman. Kenapa? Mungkin saya sangat percaya tentang, "jangan berlebihan terhadap sesuatu" mungkin aku hanya tidak ingin berlebihan terhadap sesuatu. Aku takut kehilangan lagi.

Rasa memiliki sebenarnya dirasakan saat kita kehilangan. Ya aku kehilangan. Aku tidak lelah meminta kelegaan pada Tuhan untuk hari hari ku yang semakin sepi. Aku sudah seperti orang gila. Yang bercerita tapi tidak memilikinya. Aku memiliki segalanya. Tapi tidak yang kuinginkan. Aku tidak memiliki yang kuinginkan.

Tentang hari yang semakin sepi. Tentang hidup yang semakin lirih. Tentang hati yang semakin perih. Tentang engkau yang masih dinanti. Hujan ku, hidup untukku.

Del140410